I kissed the Fuhrer
by Fleur de Anemone
Summary: Roy is Fuhrer, and married to General Hawkeye. Edward is engaged to Colonel Starrla. But what happens when Starrla kisses Roy? Full summary inside.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: Roy is Fuhrer, and both he and Edward are married to two different women. Roy is married to Hawkeye, and Edward is married to the new colonel, Starrla. One night, when Starrla is singing at Club Orange, she mistakes Roy for Edward and kisses him. Starrla is engaged to Roy, and Roy is married to the lovely new General Hawkeye. But will things change? Will divorces develop?

* * *

**Roy Mustang was so. Amazingly. Bored.

He didn't know being Fuhrer would be so HARD! Every day, it was work, work, work, sign, sign, and sign. All He did was scribble his signature on papers for no apparent reason. It was late, and he just had… Oh, say 20 more papers to sign and fill out. Roy began to toy with his eye patch, then he stared at the sky, then he leaned back as far as he could in his chair before tipping backwards and banging his head on the wall.

"Sir?"

The thick oak double doors muffled the voice. But he knew only one person who worked this late: his wife, and lovely general, Riza Hawkeye.

"Come in, Riza!" He called. Maybe they could pass the time with something so he didn't have to do paper work…

The door was pushed open.

"Oh."

Edward looked at his Fuhrer. "Sir?"

Edward, now twenty-three, was engaged himself, but not to Winry. He was engaged to a woman named Starrla, who was the Colonel in Central. In order to marry Riza, Roy had to lift the law on fraternization. So Edward took this to his advantage. Edward was now the Major General, which was a very important military rank. Edward had grown to a full height of about 5'11", which was about up to Roy's chin. However, he still suffered nicknames like "miniature" and "pint-sized."

Starrla, however, was a whole different matter. She was about 5'8" and had gold-orange hair, with a fair face and pale skin. Starrla had personally dyed her military jacket orange, and wore it open to reveal a plain white t-shirt beneath. Instead of the standard miniskirt, Starrla wore black pants to her ankles and tall boots. Edward and Roy had argued continuously until Roy had agreed that married or engaged women didn't have to wear the miniskirt. Except Riza. She had to. Starrla knew nothing about alchemy except the basic principals, and simply didn't bother. She preferred guns. Like Riza. And swords. Like the previous Fuhrer, Fuhrer Bradley, who turned out to be Pride the homunculus.

Starrla had a voice like a lark and fingers that could play a piano well, and often went down to the new club, Club Orange, and sang. It was what she did in her spare time, as well as go down to the theater and try out for musicals.

Edward shut and locked the door. "Okay, Roy, you have got to help me. Starrla wants me to go watch her sing at the club tomorrow night, but I have to be in Dublith. Grandma Pinako came down wit h a fever and Winry doesn't know how to help."

Roy sighed. "So what do you want me to do?"

"Can you go for me?"

"I'm to tall to pass as you, sorry."

Edward fumed, but calmed himself. "You don't have to. Lots of people from the military go down to watch, and as long as you go there will be balance. Take Riza, take Bloch, take Armstrong, take Havoc. I don't care, just PLEASE go!"

Edward shoved Roy a ticket. Roy just flipped it onto his desk. "Is it free?"

"Yeah! All been paid for!"

"'Course I'll go, then."

"THANK YOU! I swear to God, I'll do super good on my next assignment! Oh, yeah, could you pick up some flowers for her?"

"Sure."

Once the doors thumped behind Edward, Roy shuffled around on his desk until he came up with the ticket.

"I never knew this club was so formal." He said to himself.

**-Club Orange presents-**

**Colonel Starrla Elric**

**Singing the lovely, well known tune,**

"**My Will", written by Do As Infinity**

**-Admit one-**

_What song is that? _He thought. _Oh well. It sounds nice.

* * *

_Edward left the Central building, smirking. What a fool, that Fuhrer. What an idiot. To not realize his scheme at once. Edward had left for Resembool last week, so Envy had to fill in for the Fullmetal Alchemist.

* * *

"Thank you for buying me a ticket, Roy!" Riza smiled and cuddled with her husband's arm.

"Me, too!" Cain Fury added.

"And, me, of course!" Armstrong put in.

"Yeah… At $20 a ticket, you'd all better have a good time." He sniffed. Roy had dressed in a red jacket and a white shirt, and just regular black dress pants. Riza was wearing a black dress to her knees, Armstrong just wore his military uniform and Fury wore just a black suit. Simple, yet formal. Roy had a bouquet of lilies in his hand, which he told Riza were for Starrla from Edward.

Roy threaded his way through the club until he found a dim-lit table near the stage. There was a black grand piano hauled up on stage, as well as a small microphone set on a one-foot stand on the top. It was like the whole club was full of people just to listen to Starrla. Roy, looking through the crowds, recognized several familiar faces: Falman, Havoc, Breda.

A waiter shuffled over, and blinked. "Fu…Fuhrer Mustang!"

"Yes, duh, I'm here." Roy replied. "Starrla is my colonel. You think I would want to watch her?"

"Well, uh, yes. May I bring you something?"

Every hand at the table flew up. "Red wine!"

The waiter nodded and shuffled off to get four glasses of wine.

"So when is Starrla coming on?" Fury asked. "I've never heard her sing before!"

"Of course you have, Fury. Remember, at Edward's birthday party?" Roy brought up.

"No, sorry. Remember, I had to work?"

"Oh, really? I didn't notice."

"AND NOW, PRESENTING COLONEL STARRLA ELRIC!"

The voice took Roy by surprise, and he almost fell off his chair.

"Hehe. Thank you for such a… Gracious announcement!" Starrla giggled slipping from behind the curtain. She was dressed in a short, glittery orange dress and had her hair pulled up into a neat bun.

Roy looked at Riza. "Don't you think she looks a bit…?"

Riza nodded. "I wonder why the Fullmetal doesn't have a problem with it?"

Starrla sat down, her dress shimmering. Roy, in this light, could faintly see the orange tattoos on her shoulders. The one on her right shoulder was a star, and the other was a moon. These represented herself, Starrla, and her sister, Moonan, who… I'll get into it later. From her right ear hung an orange moon earring, and from the left hung an orange star.

Starrla played several scales, and then adjusted the microphone. "As it says on your tickets, I will be performing the song 'My Will', written by Do As Infinity. It's in our language, unlike 'Wind' that I sang last week. Once I get my fingers on the keys, I'll start."

"Have you ever heard this song before?" Roy asked his wife. Riza shrugged. "Maybe once, on the radio. I don't think so."

"I've heard it!" Fury piped up. "It's a wonderful song. Sad, though. You'll love it. Okay, I think Starrla's ready…"

"Quietly awakening...  
I always, always wish  
that these fleeting thoughts  
would reach you..."

Starrla's fingers fluttered over the keys, and her eyes closed with the melody. Roy shivered. The first word even seemed sad.

"Unable to move forward across 'just a little more' distance  
The way I see before me is always blocked  
Every time the days I want to see you but can't pile up,  
My strong heartbeat turns to heartbreak.

If there is such a thing as 'eternity',  
I want to believe, even if I have to take the long way.  
Although I know that I've been hurt before because I'm clumsy  
I won't stop; I won't give in to anyone."

Roy sank into the words. They were so well written, and so well put together… It made him feel sad and exhausted.

"I think of you  
and that alone is enough  
to make the tears start to flow now  
I always, always wish  
that these fleeting thoughts  
would reach you...

I've known all too well about pretending to be strong.  
But since then, my doubts have vanished."

Riza looked at her husband. Roy's eyes were closed and he had sank back into his chair. His arms were folded on his stomach and his mouth was twitching up in a smile. Riza nudged him, making him jump.

"Are you falling asleep?" She hissed.

"No! Hell no! This is… Great…"

"There's definitely things I want to show you  
And so many words I want to hear  
I want to see all sides of you, when you laugh and cry  
So I'll stop waiting  
and seize my 'chance.'

I think of you,  
and I feel like that alone is enough  
to make my heart grow stronger.  
I always, always wish  
that these fleeting thoughts  
would reach you..."

Fury leaned on the table. Roy looked at him as if he were insane. "Are you CRYING?"

"This song always makes me cry! It's just so sad!"

"I think of you  
and that alone is enough  
to make the tears start to flow now  
my distant voice can't reach you now,

But so that someday it definitely will...  
Believe. La la la la la la  
Believe. La la la la la la  
Believe. La la la la la la…"

The piano continued for what seemed like twenty seconds, and then drifted away. Starrla stood up, bowed and slipped away behind the curtain.

"I told you! You loved it, Roy." Fury teased.

Roy glared at him, then stood up. "I have to go take these flowers to Starrla. They're from Ed, and he asked me to give them to her."

"All right, Roy." Riza smiled. "We'll wait for you. Our wine is just getting here, anyway!"

* * *

It wasn't hard to find her room. There were two doors around the back. One was blank, but the other had a golden star on it and "Starrla" written across it in bold, underling letters. Starrla didn't just sing there, she actually worked there, and got paid.

Roy knocked on the door lightly, toying with the flowers. He hoped he could at least get two words out before he was slapped: "From Edward."

Starrla looked up from the makeup table. She was going to perform another song in ten minutes, and was just making sure what makeup she would wear. Or if she should just keep the makeup she had on now. She stood up and clicked in her heels to the door, looking out the peek hole. All she saw was a flash of red; Edward's jacket.

"EDWARD!" She shrieked gleefully. She pulled open the door and, without even bothering to look, threw her arms around Roy and gave him a big kiss.

Roy was stunned. He was married, and Starrla was engaged.

And then Starrla noticed… Roy was tall.

She opened her eyes and blinked. Roy blinked back. Starrla slowly stepped back into her room.

Roy shoved her the flowers. "These are from Ed."

"I'm engaged."

"I'm married."

"So…"

"Bye."

"Yeah."

Starrla shut the door. She stepped backwards far into her room, sank into the corner… And burst to tears.

"Oh my God! I kissed the Fuhrer!"


	2. Chapter 2

**

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**

Dedicated to my best friend Diana Cummiskey: a freak among freaks.

**

* * *

**

**Also dedicated to Bloodline: He's cooler than you all.**

* * *

Roy couldn't get that night out of his head. He knocked on it with his knuckles, but that only hurt. He knew it was Starrla's fault, and it was an accident. But he just couldn't shake that guilty feeling off. It even followed him into his dreams, which freaked him out, because who knew feelings could follow you into la-la land? 

He sat down on a bench, staring at the sky. He was in Central Park, a small preserved land where rangers let the animals run around freely. There was also a trail for people to follow, which wound deep back into the woods. Everybody at work thought it was a 'Roy and Riza special day,' because Riza was sick and had to stay home. Roy suspected food poisoning from the club. No further comments.

He sighed and drummed his fingers on the armrest. The soft _ding _of metal fluttered into his ears as he did so. There was one point when he thought he heard something, but thought nothing of it. Where would one hear a noise like that in the middle of the forest?

Roy adjusted his eye patch. He shifted his feet. He sighed and threw rocks into a puddle. But nothing would take his mind off the annoying feeling of sheer guilt. It was just a kiss, he told himself repeated. _Just a kiss. Friends kiss their friends all the time when they're married, at parties and such. This is no different. _

What he hated was the fluttery feeling in his chest when Starrla made her mistake. It felt just like it did whenever he kissed a woman, when he was younger and still colonel, that is, before he was married to the woman he loved the most. He leaned back so far that his head banged against the back of the bench. It was a pretty tall bench, you know.

There it was again, and it WASN'T his imagination. The same noise! What was it? A drum of some sort? No. It was too soft, too controlled. Was it on a small CD player? Roy stood up. Hmm… It sounded like a song Riza played a lot when she was cooking, or reading. Yes. His wife played music while she was reading. But no time to discuss it now.

Slinking off the trail into the rough forest, Roy tried hard not to snag his coat on the trees and thorns. The sound was getting louder, and was accompanied by a voice. But not just a voice. A familiar voice.

"On that day you left, I just waved good bye as usual

As if we were to meet again in this city…"

The melody was soft and sad. The voice was so familiar it hurt his head to try and guess who it was. Roy shivered at the sad words and nimbly skipped over the brush to where he thought the sound originated.

"To believe in love is to not lose to myself

Until my wish comes true, I'll remain with a smile

And look at the stars, praying, and will be here…"

Of course! He snapped his fingers without thinking. Luckily, his gloves were in his pocket and not on his hands. The song was called "Motherland", and a new artist called "Crystal Kay" wrote it. And she had a wonderful voice, if he did say so himself. But why would Crystal Kay be out in the woods?

Stupid Roy. It was someone else. There was a slight difference in the tone of Crystal Kay and whoever was singing this. However, Roy still didn't recognize the voice. You know when you put down a pen and the next minute you forget where you put it? Well, that's how Roy felt about the voice.

"I want to be the sky for you

Even enveloping all of your pains

Whenever I look up, I want to feel

That I'm not alone even if I'm far away

Let there be a place I can return to…"

Finally emerging in the clearing, Roy saw who it was: Starrla Manson Elric. He slipped back behind a tree, poking his head around just enough so his single eye could see perfectly.

Starrla was dressed in a simple orange leotard and black tights. There was a small CD player **(A/N: I don't care what year it is. I WANT CDS! LET THERE BE CDS!) **sitting at the base of a tree, snug between two roots, blaring out the music to "Motherland." Starrla spun around gracefully, singing in secure tune with the music, hitting the words exactly. Her eyes were closed with quiet bliss.

Roy turned his eyes away. A voice in the back of his mind was just exploding with words of description about the woman leaping around in the clearing, but he shoved it away. He was married now, and the only person who could say otherwise was Riza.

But something caught his eye. Starrla's leotard, which was carelessly shrugged off one shoulder, revealed the tattoo of a star on her shoulder. It was outlined in black and was orange-gold in color, so bold it looked brand new. He began to stare. He didn't see that when he admitted her into the military! And what was she doing out of work anyway?

"I'm still living happily in this city without you

Because I feel that that's the one thing I can do now…"

Her words stopped abruptly. She spun around and spotted Roy, who was now leaning against the tree, a blank look on his face. Starrla blinked, blushed, and saluted. "Fuhrer, sir, I…"

"I didn't know you could dance, Colonel."

"I…"

"What excuse did you use to get out of work, anyway?"

Starrla shuddered. Would she get fired for this?

"Uh… My grandmother is sick… I'm scheduled to be out of work all week." Starrla sank back against a tree. "I'm fired, huh." Starrla stared at her feet, and a small bug crawling along her toes. She was going to get the boot for this…

She glanced up as a shadow was cast over her. The Fuhrer—Roy Mustang, her superior—knelt down in front of her. "Could I just talk to you for a minute?"

Her heart fluttered, and she hated the feeling. She burned the image of Edward into her mind to kill it off, but it remained like the feeling of rancid sushi in her stomach. "S…Sure… Sir…"

"Do you remember last night, when… You know…"

Starrla shivered. What was her superior getting at? "…Yes… What about it?"

"Did you feel…"

Starrla choked, and thought of the best strategy to get out of this; Lie blindly with a straight face with no guilt or remorse. "No! No, of course not, sir. You're married, and I'm engaged. I'm not the type of woman to have an affair."

"And I'm not the type of man." Roy said hastily. Starrla was the worst liar in the military, and he knew it all too well. "But I did feel something. It kind of… You know…" He hooked his thumbs together and fluttered his fingers to indicate a butterfly.

"I know. I'm sorry. That was a lie. I felt… I felt even happier than when I kiss Edward. Last night I couldn't sleep because it was driving me insane." Starrla looked into her superior's eye. "I'm sure you felt the same way, sir."

Roy's heart pounded. He cursed himself for even BEGINNING to think about an affair. "…Yes. I just want to confirm that it was all a mistake…"

He watched as Starrla's face fell. "Something tells me something his horribly wrong…"

"It… Wasn't a mistake. Edward left for Resembool a week ago. In the back of my mind, I knew it wasn't him, but part of me just believed it was."

Roy didn't know what to say. He was utterly speechless. If this had been someone else, Roy would have fired her on the spot, but something kept the words 'You're fired' from coming out. But wait…

"I saw Edward just two days ago!"

Starrla stared at him. For a while. "Edward left a week ago. I remember, I saw him get on the train. It must have been someone else."

"No! Edward was the one who gave me the ticket to Club Orange because he couldn't go."

"So you WERE there!" She blinked. "I thought it was just the light. I didn't think Fuhrer Roy Mustang would show up at my concert."

"Well, I, um, Edward looked all desperate, and… I sorta just took the ticket for him… Old friends, y'know, I guess since Edward joined the military when he was twelve."

"Ah…" Starrla smiled. "Well, thank you, sir. I'm so glad I'm not fired..."

She stared blankly when a piece of paper was shoved into her face. Once she read it, she twitched and said crossly, "You're giving me… Detention?"

Roy's face was all smiles. It annoyed Starrla to no end.

"Yup! For skipping work! You'll have two weeks of cleaning my house. Give's the maid some time off, and saves me one hundred dollars a month. Now, you'd better hurry up and get your uniform on and get to work, or I'll extend your detention time!"

He stood up and lifted a hand in acknowledgement. "Just think of it as an extra non-paying job!"

Starrla stood up and grabbed her CD player and Roy jumped out of the clearing, leaping over the thorns. He felt so happy; the feeling of guilt was gone.

But what will happen in the days to come when Starrla cleans his house?


	3. Chapter 3

**Dedicated to Mr. Handerhan, for being the second person to notice my totally awesome nails! (That creeped me out a little, you know.)

* * *

And so she stared.**

The Fuhrer's home was massive, three stories, and just overall HUGE. Each story was about 17 feet tall, and three stories made 51 feet tall, not including the curved roof of stone lions. And that was just HUGE.

Starrla sighed, and shifted from foot to foot. What surprises would greet her in the home of the Fuhrer? And HOW could she possibly clean all this in two weeks? And how many maids, exactly, did Roy Mustang have?

The timid colonel entered the tall building, to find it had… A receptionist?

"Hello, um, is Fuhrer Roy in?"

The tall receptionist stared down her nose at Starrla. "Ah, yes, you must be Starrla, the colonel. Cut work, I hear?"

"Yes. Please, just tell me where the Fuhrer is so I can start working!"

The receptionist smirked and pointed down a hallway. "The Fuhrer's home is on that side of the building."

Ah. So the whole building wasn't Roy's.

Starrla looked the opposite direction. "Then what is on that side of the building?"

"The homes and rooms of the other important military officers."

"I see." She lifted a hand and turned to the side of the building that was Roy's house.

* * *

She pushed open the door and shut it behind her. "Hello? Sir!" She called. "Are you home? Did you go out? General Riza?"

"Mm… Starrla?"

Starrla turned. Riza stood in a doorway, rubbing her eyes. Her hair was a mess and her eyes were underlined with black circles. Nevertheless, she was fully dressed and held a small phone. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I, um, skipped work and Roy's making me clean your house… He gave me DETENTION."

Riza chuckled dryly. "How like Roy. He'll be home soon, I can assure you."

"Are you going somewhere, general?"

"Yes, the doctor's office. I have that flu that's going around. What a great time to get sick."

"I'm so sorry, general Riza. I hope they find a cure, honest."

Riza smiled and left. Starrla looked around and just sat on a couch, whistling and staring out the window. Surely, her Fuhrer would come soon, right?

There was a click, and the door opened. "Starrla? Are you here already? Where's General Riza?"

Starrla looked up at her superior, saluting briefly. "Sir! General Riza went to the doctor's office. And… She told you to take out the trash!"

"We have people to do that for us. Riza wouldn't say such a thing!"

Roy knew his wife Riza better than Starrla thought.

"Of course, sir. She must have meant me. Now what should I do while I'm here?"

Roy looked out the window and at the floor. He hadn't exactly PLANNED what to make Starrla do. "Well… I guess the windows need cleaning, and the tables need dusting. You can vacuum the floors tomorrow, I guess. Knowing Riza, the bed is already made."

"At once, sir."

"You're not at work anymore, Starrla."

"Sir, it is customary to address the Fuhrer as Sir at all times, unless prohibited by the Fuhrer him or her self!"

Starrla had gone over the rules thoroughly before she applied for a job. This was one of the many things she memorized.

"Then, until tomorrow, I prohibit calling me sir outside of work."

"Thank you, Roy."

"Any time."

So Starrla grabbed a rag and started to polish the woodwork. And there was a LOT of woodwork in Fuhrer Roy Mustang's house.

* * *

And by the time she was done, her knee was bleeding and her hands ached. And NOW she had to clean the windows, but not before…

"AHHHH…"

…She collapsed on Roy's bed, after polishing his bedside table. She closed her eyes and sighed, feeling relaxed for the first time in the last two hours.

Once again, a shadow was cast over her. Opening one eye, she saw Roy, staring down at her, blinking.

"Tired?"

"GGRAGH!" Starrla sat up, stubbed her toe, winced, tried to stand up, tripped over her own two feet and fell backwards.

"You're totally falling for me."

"THAT'S A TERRIBLE PUN, ROY!"

"…So WHY aren't you cleaning the windows?"

Starrla crossed her arms and legs stubbornly. "I don't know where the squeegee is. And now my toe hurts, my knee's bleeding, my wrists ache from all the polishing, and I think I just kicked my own foot."

"Tough luck, huh."

Starrla remained where she sat, but her loosened her arms and legs. She sighed and drummed her fingers on the bedspread, staring wistfully out a window at the glittering sky.

"Do you remember earlier, Roy?"

Roy got that feeling again. Either something bad was going to happen, or he was just plain guilty.

"…Yes… How could I not?"

"There's something I didn't tell you." Starrla bit her lip.

Roy's chest pounded, and something behind his bad eye throbbed. "Me, too…" He got a lump in his throat, but swallowed it.

"You first, then."

"Erm… Starrla…"

"Yes?"

"…" Roy stared guiltily at his feet. "I think I'm in love with you…"

Starrla's vision blurred. _I think I'm in love with you. _But how? Roy was married. And she was engaged. Was Roy suggesting they begin an affair? Or is he just joking? Or is he serious? Or…

"Starrla! Hello?"

Roy already felt guilty, and terrible. He knew what Starrla must be thinking, but he couldn't tell her how to think. Freedom of speech and thought. "I… I'm sorry, I mean, I should have waited… You can go home, Starrla."

"Roy, I love you, too."

"I mean, I know what you must be thinking, I mean… Huh."

"I. Love. You. Too."

They stared at each other. Now Starrla _had_ to be fired. Roy squinted slightly. Well, no, he couldn't do that. The laws on fraternization had been lifted.

Starrla leaned over and kissed him, totally without warning. Roy, surprised, was overwhelmed, and just gave in.

"Roy! I'm home!"

Roy detached himself from Starrla's face and called, being the smooth liar he was, "Hello, Riza! You sound much better! Starrla is just finishing up in the bedroom!"

When Riza entered the bedroom, she found Starrla collapsed on the floor and Roy prodding her with his foot. Starrla squeezed the wet sponge in her hand and dropped it back in the bucket. "I'm not dead, if that's what you're thinking."


End file.
